So it's that time again where I will be doing another vipassana retreat. I try to do at least one retreat per year and I am so excited and ready for my retreat this year. This will be my 5th retreat, three where I sat the course and one where I served the course. This time I will be serving the course again. Instead of doing the course in Canada or the U.S, I will be serving in Korea at the Dhamma Korea centre. Since I arrived in Korea, I have been eating meat almost daily, something I have not done in over 5 years. This will be a good opportunity to have a break from that while serving the courses since the centres only serve vegetarian meals. The duration of the course is 12days, 10 of which are in complete silence. One is not permitted to speak when sitting the course. For those serving the course, one is permitted to speak to other servers and out of range of those who are sitting the course. Servers need to communicate to one another with things like cooking, cleaning and general coordination. The sole responsibility for those who sit the course is to meditate. They do not have to worry about anything. All is taken care of by the servers.
Vipassana is not only a cleansing of the mind, but of the body as well. The quality of food that is served is amazing. I always feel cleaner, lighter and more alive after my retreats, with the exception of my first retreat (I experience some major detox I guess). Every course is different and new things arise that were not present the previous course. I am so excited to find out what may arise this time. Many people leave the course because it is extremely difficult. Things bubble up from depths of within that we are not aware are part of our being. Everything has to be dealt with and there is no escaping this at a vipassana retreat. Things will arise and the only thing one can do is be equanimous. Many people cry during these retreat, and I always wanted to cry myself because of the release but was unable to. I thought to myself that I was too emotionally stable to cry, but I was so wrong.
A day after my last retreat, I was going to make an appointment to get my license. As I was walking on the street I was giving metta (a form of love meditation) to everyone I saw and this energy was building in my body. I felt like I had to cry in the middle of the street. I then had a realization that the only thing that could cause me misery is myself. That just set me off and I was balling. I kept walking and crying. This actually lasted for an hour. It was so amazing! I was so baffled by my realization that nothing could affect me but myself. Goenka (the head teacher) states that many people believe misery is 100% caused by the external world. Through meditation, some people come to realize that 50% of their misery is caused by the external world, and 50% by our own selves. However, with enough practice, one comes to realize that 100% of misery is caused by ourselves.
I was in complete shock that I actually understood this on such a profound level. That statement was something that stood out to me before my realization, but nowhere near the depth that it hit me on that day. It was a realization that is beyond the mind. After walking and crying for 30 minutes, I decided to sit and really let things out, but as I sat, nothing would come. I decided to walk again. I thought to myself, 100% of suffering is caused internally and I would start crying again. It was the biggest cry of my life. I was so happy!
Currently, I do not have the same profound understanding because it is difficult to maintain, though elements of it remain with me. Once out of the retreat, it is difficult to maintain the same kind of awareness. The occurrences of life take over and one slowly loses a certain degree of awareness. This is why I go back every year. I have no expectation and I look forward to whatever arises this time around.
Vipassana is not only a cleansing of the mind, but of the body as well. The quality of food that is served is amazing. I always feel cleaner, lighter and more alive after my retreats, with the exception of my first retreat (I experience some major detox I guess). Every course is different and new things arise that were not present the previous course. I am so excited to find out what may arise this time. Many people leave the course because it is extremely difficult. Things bubble up from depths of within that we are not aware are part of our being. Everything has to be dealt with and there is no escaping this at a vipassana retreat. Things will arise and the only thing one can do is be equanimous. Many people cry during these retreat, and I always wanted to cry myself because of the release but was unable to. I thought to myself that I was too emotionally stable to cry, but I was so wrong.
A day after my last retreat, I was going to make an appointment to get my license. As I was walking on the street I was giving metta (a form of love meditation) to everyone I saw and this energy was building in my body. I felt like I had to cry in the middle of the street. I then had a realization that the only thing that could cause me misery is myself. That just set me off and I was balling. I kept walking and crying. This actually lasted for an hour. It was so amazing! I was so baffled by my realization that nothing could affect me but myself. Goenka (the head teacher) states that many people believe misery is 100% caused by the external world. Through meditation, some people come to realize that 50% of their misery is caused by the external world, and 50% by our own selves. However, with enough practice, one comes to realize that 100% of misery is caused by ourselves.
I was in complete shock that I actually understood this on such a profound level. That statement was something that stood out to me before my realization, but nowhere near the depth that it hit me on that day. It was a realization that is beyond the mind. After walking and crying for 30 minutes, I decided to sit and really let things out, but as I sat, nothing would come. I decided to walk again. I thought to myself, 100% of suffering is caused internally and I would start crying again. It was the biggest cry of my life. I was so happy!
Currently, I do not have the same profound understanding because it is difficult to maintain, though elements of it remain with me. Once out of the retreat, it is difficult to maintain the same kind of awareness. The occurrences of life take over and one slowly loses a certain degree of awareness. This is why I go back every year. I have no expectation and I look forward to whatever arises this time around.
